No Place for You Here

There is no place for you here.

This is an apology I would rather give you than myself.

In so many ways, you were the first:

The first I unlocked my titanium gates for and welcomed you wide open,

The first I let see me fresh and weeping and raw,

The first I dared to be sincerely uncool in your presence,

I was lucky to unravel toward you and thread my frayed edges to yours.

It is at these times, I remind myself that though this is true,

You were lucky to feel my silk after years of burlap.
But There came a time when my alone felt better than your company,

When your smile grew into a question mark I was weary from punctuating.

I found myself alone with memories of you, no actualities.

There came a time when your company became more effort than your absence,

When there was more peace in the silence than a reminder that I cross your mind.

You are a beautiful visitor,

The kind who ventures once, but is always better in memory than in return,

The kind whose language I don’t speak aloud but sways into my lullabies.

You make a fabulous figment,

Adored in an unconscious afterlife,

But in this now,

My present,

There is no space for you.

My mind is invaluable terrain.

My heart is precious real estate, unwelcome to those who may scorch or tarnish it.

So, you, with the matches,

You cannot enter.

Can stare at me from a distance,

Checker your mind with my reverie self,

But no,

I am sorry,

There is no place for you here.

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