Ambiguous Friend

Your eyes,

Like a lighthouse,

drew me to you.

I am, all too often,

adrift in self love as substitute.

I have sunken myself in pride before.

Your lantern eyes compelled me to shores I dared not touch.

 

A sailor expects paradise after a grueling journey.

I, a lover.

But ours is not a love with lips and hands and passion.

I resented the fire you shared with everyone but me,

Miserly with your affection,

Chills for all the things you said but never did.

 

So I left your coastline,

more willing to drown myself that call your name lifesaver.

I learned to swim,

let the water hug my body in all the ways you wouldn’t.

 

You are not paradise,

Nor the denouement of my hopes.

A lighthouse is not home.

And you aren’t the lover I once wanted you to be,

Rather, refuge, guidance, safety.

I see you

And exhale.

With profound love and gratitude,

I exhale.

 

 

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